Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Wishcasting -- 12/30

What do you wish for 2010?

I feel a bit overwhelmed by answering this question. This makes me think... list...

1. run another half marathon (this would make 7)

2 run another full marathon (this would my 2nd)

3. figure out what grace means for me and how to invite it into my life

4. find a new church home (our old church was ruined by petty behavior...long story)

5. develop and stick to a daily spiritual practice

6. continue to find joy in my psychotherapy practice

7. be grateful

8. to have a baby

9. to make more art

10. be grateful

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Wishcasting -- 12/24

What do you wish for this holiday season?


We don't celebrate Christmas as a Christian holiday. We recently joined a Unitarian Universalist church.  Honestly, it felt like coming home. It was a community and spiritual tradition that mirrored so much of how I have felt and thought over the years. Feelings and thoughts that often made me feel different and as though I did not fit in. Feelings and thoughts that I often did not talk about with others. But, to find a community that had similar values, ideas, and thoughts ... very special. This holiday season I am grateful to have found a community such as this.

My wishes for the holiday season are rest, peace, and simplicity. So often my holidays become cluttered with too many parties, gifts, and obligations. This does not feed my soul. It pulls me outside of myself and makes me feel uncomfortable, tired, cranky, and depleted. I am an introvert (despite my attempts to change). I am also really sensitive. These things I find are not valued by most and I have spend a lot of my life being ashamed and acting as if I were different. Mostly this ended with me feeling depressed, tired, and angry. My wish is that I can be in touch with these parts of myself, love them and care for them. That I can create quiet moments with my husband that lead to deep relationship. That I limit obligations that deplete me. My wish is also that through this discipline and practice, that I will be able to share my true self, my joy, and real peace.

Saturday, December 19, 2009

December 31st Dream Board

I made the first one quickly, just picking out things that spoke to me. The second one brings forth the word that I have chosen for 2010.

The first board....

Some close up views....

What I learned from this dreamboard is that I am reaching for something bigger than myself. That I want to live from a place a faith, not fear. That I want to find a quiet, strong and powerful center that can lead me to authentic connection with others. This will allow me to move beyond ego, to be vulnerable. I also learned that connection with my physical self is very much on my mind. I desire to learn to feed myself in a healthy, reasonable and joyful way. I want to move everyday to help me stay connected to myself. I want to awaken with gratitude. I want to discover what defines me and then blow past any definition as I expand into the world with grace love and gratitude.

The second word for 2010...

Friday, December 18, 2009

Musings for the day

I saw this quote somewhere and it speaks to me...
I surrender in gratitude to that which is

The idea of gratitude has been in my heart and thoughts a lot lately. It is something I want to cultivate more in my life. I want to recognize the blessings in my life even when they present in unexpected packages. Even when I initially think it is not a blessing and resist.

The other idea in this quote that I am desiring is acceptance. That things are good the way they are. That moments are good even when they are messy, painful, or confusing. Even when the moments cause me to feel vulnerable and exposed. I am desiring a confidence in myself that I can move through moments with a gentleness and gratitude. I wish to cultivate a confidence in the universe that things will work might not be how I think it will work out, or how I would want it to work out....but a sure-ness that things will be fine.

Maybe this quote can be a mantra for me. A reminder of these things I am cultivating in my life. A calling to bring this to me.

I surrender in gratitude to that which is. I surrender in gratitude to that which is.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Wishcasting -- 12/16

What do you wish to give?

I want to give kindness, love, and grace. I want to give people freedom and empowerment. I want to give of myself in relationship. I offer my gratitude for the stuff of life.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

12/09 Wishcasting

What is your spirit wishing for?

 There are answers that come up immediately: peace, confidence, connection with myself, connection with something bigger than myself. But, I'm not sure that these come up quickly because they are the things I want most. Sure, they are important and I want to cultivate them in my life. However, I wonder what is beneath them. What are the things that are hidden deeper within myself that don't reveal themselves as easily or quickly? I want to be a mom and nurture life and hope in the future. This is one that surprise me a little as it is something that I have not always wanted. I want a deeper and more intimate connection with my husband. I also want to belong to a community. This actually scares me quite a bit. It means being noticed and seen by others. It means being vulnerable, making mistakes, showing my talents, and being accountable. All things that make me anxious. My spirit is also calling me to be more present in each moment. To get out of my head, to live form my heart, to be alive in each moment. 

I have only recently begun to discover my spirit and the larger spirit that has begun to call to me. I hope that the spirit can give me courage to take steps into unknown waters and provide faith that I have what is needed and that I am enough. I wish that the spirit will shine a light into the dark places of my soul and call forth the best of me. I hope that the spirit will illuminate beliefs that no longer serve and help me to help places within that have felt broken for many year.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Reflecting on my Full Moon Dreamboard


This board reflects my journey inward to find a way to live outward in the world. Huh? I want to live in the world in a deeply connected way. This year I have been trying to figure out what it means to live in a way to be deeply connected with myself.

I want to speak my truth. To feel confident in that truth. To call my true self out and set her free. I recently had a dream that I think reflected that I am finally saving the younger girl who is still inside me. Saving her from having to please others, from living other peoples' truths, from ridicule and fear. This is huge for me. I have been working to find that younger self, care for her, protect her, and to set her free. I feel proud of the work I have done for myself.

I also see peace and stillness. I have sought to connect to something bigger than myself. To spirit. To god. I have come to understand that value of getting still and listening. I feel blessed to have discovered this. It is a gift I can give to myself.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

December Dream Board


Jamie Ridler Studios provides a prompt every Wednesday to help get in touch with the deep desires we hold in our hearts.

Here is my first go at Wishcasting. Not just testing the waters with my toe, but jumping in the deep end.

 What would happened if every week you made a wish?
What magic might start to stir?

To wish is to dream. To dream is to hope. And to hope is to live...

My biggest obstacle to wishing is getting in touch with what my heart and spirit want. I have for a long time lived outside of myself and I became an expert in making myself small so as not to upset others. I became an expert in identifying what would please others. I became an expert in others. I still find it challenging to live life from within my body, my mind, my heart, and my spirit. If I took time every week (probably everyday would be better) to be still and listen for the voice inside myself. I honestly don't know what that voice sounds like. But, I can get still, I can show up, and I can listen. I can be patient, surrender to what I hear, and offer love to myself. Love and patience will help that little voice feel as though I am, for the first time, believe that my voice matters. 

Here is to getting still and listening to my heart to discover what magic resides within.