Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Today - Yoga

i had a big shift today. one that i have not had time to fully absorb or come to understand. But, it signals change, growth, healing.

i have long used television to tune out, protect myself, and be numb. i have this knowledge and awareness for a while, but not much desire to change it. i forced myself to change in the way i always do (do it now, make it hard, and make it big). i gave up tv for a month. it was was really hard.


but today was different. i came home from work and did not WANT to turn on the tv. i listened to music, made dinner, and just was. then i went to yoga. again, i WANTED to go. i did not force myself, i did not beat myself up about going, no guilt, no pressure.


i am moving towards, health. not all at once, not a smooth path, but i see the steps in that direction. i feel the space, the calm, and the desire inside myself. there are things i still don't understand, but i have faith that these will come in time.

i feel really proud of myself and wanted to acknowledge this accomplishment.

Saturday, June 19, 2010

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Wishcasting Wednesday - 6/16/10

What do you wish to nourish?

nour·ish

tr.v. nour·ished, nour·ish·ing, nour·ish·es

1. To provide with food or other substances necessary for life and growth; feed.
2. To foster the development of; promote: "Athens was an imperial city, nourished by the tribute of subjects" (V. Gordon Childe).
3. To keep alive; maintain: nourish a hope.

I found I had to look up the definition as I was thinking about my answer. My very first instinct was that I wish (and need) to nourish myself. But then I was struggling to figure out what that meant. I am slowly learning how to care for myself. I have been thinking a lot about how it is difficult to mother myself since I was not mothered in a caring or nourishing way. I am learning that lesson on my own, by trial and error. I have found myself thankful for this though. I have developed the sense that I am much stronger for having to learn this lesson, even in this painful way.

I also wish to nourish my marriage. We have been married for 9 years and were pretty young when we got married. So much has happened and we have both changed in so many ways. I would like to find a way to nourish our relationship so there can be authentic depth and vulnerability. I want to nourish our relationship so there is less room for judgement and misunderstandings. I want to nourish our relationship so we can see each other with new eyes, to fall madly in love again, and to nourish each other for the people we have become.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Wishcasting -- 6/2

What do you wish to know?

Again an *8 things list, a la Magpie Girl. This is a list of things that I know in that deep down knowing way. They are things that I sometimes forget, sometimes doubt, but that have carried me through and revealed their truth.

1. The process is important

2. Good things take time (trust the process)

3. Things have a way of working out (trust the process, see a theme developing?)

4. People are doing the best they can with what they have

5. There is not one ultimate truth -- we all create and live our own truth

6. Feelings are really, really important and need to be heard and honored

7. Kindness and manners make the world go round

8. Belief in the power of relationships to heal and transform