Saturdays

I love Saturdays with nothing to do. I love being able to move from one thing to the next with no pressure about finishing or getting somewhere. I did have one thing planned today, but it was delious. I had my monthly facial at Ruby Room and it was wonderful. I felt relaxed and calm afterwards. A nap rounded out the perfect afternoon.

The other thing we did this morning was take our dog to a photo shoot. Yes, you read that correctly...a photo shoot. It was for a calendar that will be sold to raise money for a local park. No idea if our girl will become a pin-up girl in 2010, but I, of course, believe that the calendar would be incomplete without her.

Here is a picture that a friend took of her recently...

Before my facial, my lady always leads me through a guided meditation (yes, she is that awesome -- ask for Amy). She has me image my feet pushing into the earth and putting in roots, so that I feel supported and love. She then has me imagine a white light filling my body, mind, and spirit. She asks me to collect thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and memories that no longer serve me and to push those dark pieces out through my feet so the white light can fill me entirely. Take a deep belly breathe, she says, and say to yourself "You are loved". Thank you, Amy. I will see you in a month to make my skin beautiful and my spirit sing.

ThE nExT cHaPtEr

I have been reading the Joy Diet and participating in the Next Chapter with Jamie Ridler. BUT, I have not gotten very far and am hopelessly behind the schedule. In my defense I found out about the project late. That is not really the reason for my lagging behind.

The real reason...doing nothing is really hard for me. Martha Beck makes it clear that until you are doing nothing for 15 minutes everyday, you should not move on to the rest of the diet. Why is nothing so hard? I find lots of excuses, I forget.

My initial idea about why nothing is hard is because I have to sit with myself. I spent my whole life perfecting the ability to avoid myself. To stay out of touch with myself. To stay disconnected. There are many reasons for this that I won't go in to here. However, this push to do nothing is really foreign for me. It is hard to only be with myself, no distractions. My anxiety goes up, my body gets restless, my thoughts spin, the demons come out. I know from reading and talking with people that this is what makes it hard to get started, but getting past the demons is what makes it so great. I have faith that nothing can change me for the better. I have faith that nothing is part of the Joy Diet. Starting is just so hard.

I have done my nothing for today. It was okay. I made it. I tell parents and clients all the time that progress in not linear. And I think that is will be true of my journey with nothing. I think overall it will get easier with time, but I think that the small day to day nothings will not always be easier. This is good practice to take things as they come.

I've Been Away

Not away from home, but away from blogging. I think I still a little bit ambivalent about putting myself out on the web. However, I find it an easy way to record my thoughts, playing with the layout/design is really fun, and I can connect with others. So, I am going to stick with it for the next 6 months and see how I feel then.

Words That Inspire

... Here are some words that inspire me ...

... joy ...

... power ...

... gratitude ...

... process ...

... hope ...

... grace ...

... now ...

... imperfection ...

... acceptance ...

... stillness ...

... heart ...

... spirit ...

... growth ...

... play ...

... truth ...

... relationship ...

... breath ...
... emotion ...

I love when things that seem very separate seem to find a way to intertwine. This week I discovered "The Next Chapter" a group reading "The Joy Diet". The first chapter in The Joy Diet is Nothing. Doing nothing seems so simple, but I have found it to be really challenging. My mind wanders to what I should be doing at home, what work is waiting for me at the hospital, what I am going to wear to work tomorrow, and on and on...

At the same time, my church community is exploring what it means to have a daily spiritual practice. The pastor has a blog in which she is talking about this exploration. I have learned a lot from the messages at church. Jennifer (pastor) has talked about what keeps us from starting a daily spiritual practice. Our church believes that there is a big, infinite love that is available to anyone at anytime. That everyone deserves to feel this love regardless of who they are, what they have done, and what they believe. Jennifer talks about inviting this love into your life and allowing it to crack your heart open. She said that what keeps people from starting a daily spiritual practice is the fear that we are the one that will not feel the love, that we are the one that does not deserve the love. That this love and this grace is not available for us.

I know a lot about fear. I know very little about love and even less about grace. However, the message to start a daily practice is clear. It is hard to ignore something when it is coming at you from all sides. I find myself grateful for these messages. I don't know if I believe Pastor Jen that love and grace is available for me, but I am willing to reach for it. I am willing to have faith. To take a leap of faith.

Today in church, Jennifer talked about the 3 steps necessary to beginning a daily spiritual practice. Step 1 -- Make a plan. Step 2 -- Begin. Step 3 -- Persevere. She said that we need to get still, but have attention and intention to reach for love and grace. She asked that those of us who are ready to make a commitment to undertake a daily practice for the next 6 days. I committed to this. I committed to Jennifer and to myself. Now I am declaring this commitment to the world. I am going to sit still for 20 minutes everyday for the next 6 days. I plan to repeat a mantra to help quiet my mind. My mantra will be Reaching for Grace and Love. I also have a yoga DVD that has chanting and I may use that as well. Regardless of the tool I use, I am going to be still and have the intention to reach for love, to open myself to possibility, and to feel grace pour in.

Joining The World of Blogs

My first post. I have been thinking about starting a blog for a while. Not so much for other people, but for myself. A place to record thoughts, feelings, reflections. I am a bit nervous about the public nature of blogs. It feels much more exposed then my trusty leather journal.

So, this is an experiment. I made a decision to try this for 2 months and see what I think. What pushed me over the edge is wanting to participate in "The Next Chapter" with Jamie Ridler. She offers an opportunity to read "The Joy Diet" and connect with others on the same journey. I am starting late, but committed to catching up.

I feel as thought I am always searching and and reaching for ... more. More self improvement. More self acceptance. More grace. More hope. More relationship. More vitality. More life. This is not new for me. What is new is my attempt to find balance. To balance this search for more with acceptance of what is. To accept where I am. To accept who I am. To accept those around me. To accept the present moment. Balance, acceptance, hope, love, and grace are all challenging things for me, but I am trying. What feels more familiar is fear, anxiety, and hiding. I have lived with fear and anxiety for so long, I don't always recognize them as my companions. But in the last year, I have come to see how they damage my potential for happiness, for hope, for love, for connections, and for grace. I have decided to stand up to fear. I have decided to not allow anxiety to be my constant companion. I chose faith. I chose love. I chose hope. I chose grace. I don't always know what that means, but I search the present moment to try and find these qualities that I trust to be more sustaining, more nurturing.

So, today I begin my Joy Diet. Not completely sure how the Next Chapter process works, but here is to figuring out new things, to taking a risk, and to reaching for something higher.