i had a big shift today. one that i have not had time to fully absorb or come to understand. But, it signals change, growth, healing.
i have long used television to tune out, protect myself, and be numb. i have this knowledge and awareness for a while, but not much desire to change it. i forced myself to change in the way i always do (do it now, make it hard, and make it big). i gave up tv for a month. it was was really hard.
but today was different. i came home from work and did not WANT to turn on the tv. i listened to music, made dinner, and just was. then i went to yoga. again, i WANTED to go. i did not force myself, i did not beat myself up about going, no guilt, no pressure.
i am moving towards, health. not all at once, not a smooth path, but i see the steps in that direction. i feel the space, the calm, and the desire inside myself. there are things i still don't understand, but i have faith that these will come in time.
i feel really proud of myself and wanted to acknowledge this accomplishment.